I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
