It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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