That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
