Kiss
Puke
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
