Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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