I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
