found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
