Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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