neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
