Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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