I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
