Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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