me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
