You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
