Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
