Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
