i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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