My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
