oh god the rape fog is back!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
