Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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