I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
