I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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