Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
