i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
