i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
