why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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