My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like eating out sand paper
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
