how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
