i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
