Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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