then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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