I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
