I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
