Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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