So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
