My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
