its not stalking. its research.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
