you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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