And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
