now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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