You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
