He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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