i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
