I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
