At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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