She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
