Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
