Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
