Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
