And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
