Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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